it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
