You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
