Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
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He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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