i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My life is pants optional.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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