After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
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I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
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I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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