If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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