Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
