I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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