Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
