new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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