Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
