I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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