I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
