I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
