worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I smell like Dick and happiness
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