and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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