I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
oh god was she eating orange peels again
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
