Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
