those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
smell my finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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