I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
