I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
