Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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