She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
