Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Church boner. Awkwardddd
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
