ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
