I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
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I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
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Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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