i need an iv and a liver transplant
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
