she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
