Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
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So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
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I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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