She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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