Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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