I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
