Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the condom got lost in my hair
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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