Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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