Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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