I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
