Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
