Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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