She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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