it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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