I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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