I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
