god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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