i just google imaged poop.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Still dying that you shit outside
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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