i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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