Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
