If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
