So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
