And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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