Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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