Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
