He passed out mid-signature
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
