Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
