You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Randomize
