peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
