dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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