this boner is exhausting
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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