I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
