first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
