I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
