The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
