Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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