Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I will die if light touches me.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car