hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.