Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
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She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!