If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?