I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.