Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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