Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.