You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.