I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This is my life. Enjoy the view
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
