false alarm. still invincible.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
