How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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