u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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