wanna go halves on a baby?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
