your parents love me but you hate me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
