Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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