Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Randomize
