my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
