Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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