Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
