evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
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I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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