Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
