You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
