I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Welp...herpes.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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