I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
