just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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