Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I have demons in me.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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