I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
