we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
