you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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