Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Someone shattered a urinal.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
