Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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