Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
