the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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