Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
