I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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