I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
