how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
