East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
