Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i out mim tonsoeep
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
